The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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