new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
