so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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