the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
