he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
