he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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