I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
