Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it because I queefed?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize