im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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