could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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