Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
