omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
