Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
pray to the hookup gods
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
