There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
