I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
