I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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