I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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