Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
