Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
