your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
