You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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