If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I could fuck to npr.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
