I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
