so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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