I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
