He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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