you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
