I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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