I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
