the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
