If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
