; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
