you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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