i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize