giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize