We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
