Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
