it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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