already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
