Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
