I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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