I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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