the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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