This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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