that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
