I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
