it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
