hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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