well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
