Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was born a porn star she said
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i out mim tonsoeep
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
