I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
