The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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