someone owes me an orgasm
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
