I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
