You're my little dorito
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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