Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
