Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
