I think my fart just growled at me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bring me that man meat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
