Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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