A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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