Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
