I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize