i don't like sucking hair
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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