Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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