I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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