i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's the barista slut.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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