grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
